“Empathy” probably doesn’t make you think of a tech CEO.
You picture a therapist, a kindergarten teacher, or a trusted friend – not a person responsible for code quality, deadlines, and product strategy.
But that’s exactly the problem.
In tech – and especially in management – empathy is often seen as a nice-to-have soft skill, not something that drives outcomes.
Yet soft skills like communication, task management, and active listening are among the most important for hiring and leadership, especially in the age of AI. And what do all of those skills have in common? They’re powered by empathy.
So, how does empathy actually show up in your day-to-day work as a manager? Let’s break it down with five key scenarios where it makes a real difference.
1 - You solve conflicts gracefully
Conflict is something you face regularly as a manager. It’s not a sign of dysfunction. It’s a natural result of people working closely under pressure with different priorities and perspectives.
The key isn’t avoiding conflict – it’s learning how to handle it. And that’s where empathy becomes your best ally.
Empathy helps you stay emotionally grounded in tense situations. It allows you to notice subtle cues before things boil over, and respond in a way that defuses tension rather than inflames it. It doesn’t mean you defend both sides equally or smooth things over to keep the peace. It means you stay present and solution-oriented when emotions are high.
Imagine a situation where you have to mediate a conflict between two engineers. One insists on shipping code faster. The other wants more time to polish it.
They’re both right: speed is important, but you also don’t want the end result to be sloppy. An empathetic manager doesn’t pick sides. They create space for both perspectives, help each person feel heard, and guide them toward a workable compromise.
Empathy in conflict resolution allows you to:
- Notice the early signs of escalation, giving you the chance to intervene before it worsens
- Remain calm and measured in your responses, helping set the tone for the discussion
- Acknowledge and validate others’ emotions
- Highlight emotions and opinions that others likely missed
- And redirect the conversation to move from conflict to problem-solving
2 - You give and receive feedback professionally
Giving feedback is one of the hardest parts of management – especially when it’s not positive. But it’s also one of the most important.
Constructive feedback:
- Surfaces issues before they grow
- Drives learning and improvement
- And strengthens trust and team performance
Take a scenario where team members have reported that one QA engineer keeps missing a crucial testing step. You schedule a one-on-one to address it. Here, empathy becomes your edge – not to soften the message, but to deliver it in a way the engineer can understand and act on.
Are they aware of their mistakes and want to improve? Is something outside of work affecting their focus? Do they need clearer communication or support to make a change?
Empathy helps you read between the lines. Sensing different moods and patterns can help you adjust your communication style and find a better way to manage and offer effective feedback.
And it works both ways. When you receive feedback – from peers or your team – empathy helps you hear it without defensiveness. Oftentimes, managers avoid asking for feedback, or take it as a personal attack when it comes.
An empathetic leader understands that constructive feedback isn’t a dig at them, it’s a tool, not a threat. They also understand it takes courage for someone to speak up, especially when there’s a power dynamic involved.
By responding with openness and curiosity, you set the tone for a healthier team culture – one where feedback flows in both directions.
3 - You build a better environment for everyone
The bigger your team gets, the harder it is to create an environment where everyone can thrive. What works for one person may demotivate another. That’s where empathy becomes essential – not just as a soft skill, but as a strategic management tool.
In your team, you probably already have people who:
- Prefer working in solitude
- Thrive in teams
- Need more time on tasks
- Need more guidance
- Or are more independent
Trying to manage all these differences with a one-size-fits-all approach will eventually backfire. Empathy offers a solution. But when you lead with empathy, you start to notice patterns – not just in performance, but in personality, communication styles, and unspoken needs.
For example, extroverts may benefit from more group interactions and regular meetings. Introverts, on the other hand, may do their best work with quiet time, one-on-ones, and fewer interruptions. Empathy helps you recognize and respect these differences, instead of forcing everyone to conform to the same mold.
To manage different personalities, you can:
- Give people ownership of their process: Focus on outcomes, not how they get there. You don’t need to micromanage how they communicate, how many meetings they attend, and how they must work, as long as they deliver results.
- Make space for both collaboration and focus: Teamwork doesn’t have to mean group meetings. Encourage people to move between shared and solo work based on what suits the task and the person.
- Create an open-door culture: Let people know it’s okay to ask questions, request clarity, or share what they need to do their best work.
Whichever way you choose to improve the environment in your company counts, and empathy can help you find the best way.
4 - You nurture a stronger team spirit
Empathy isn’t just good for individuals – it’s essential for team morale.
More and more leaders are recognizing the power of empathy in the workplace. In fact, many reports show employees believe empathetic leadership boosts morale. It’s easy to see why: when you’re empathetic, you show that their concerns matter – not just their output.
Your team members are navigating all kinds of experiences, including:
- Losses and illnesses
- Divorces and breakups
- Weddings and births
- Moving to new places
- And both happy and sad moments
An empathetic leader shows their team it’s okay to be human, even when at work.
Contrast that with a company where you can’t leave your chair until your job is done, taking a vacation is seen as disloyal, or asking for flexibility is met with guilt-tripping. If you’ve ever worked in a place where you felt punished for having a life outside the office, you know exactly how fast morale crumbles.
Teams with empathetic managers aren’t afraid to say: “Hey, my parent is sick and I need to take care of them. Is it okay if I leave an hour earlier this week?” They don’t have to hide or fake things because they know you understand they’re human first.
That kind of trust doesn’t just boost individual well-being – it strengthens the collective spirit of the team.
5 - You make better decisions
This might sound counterintuitive, but empathy isn’t about making decisions that make everyone happy. It’s about making decisions that are deeply informed, balanced, and aligned with the bigger picture – even when they’re uncomfortable.
Imagine your stakeholders tell you that your team has to improve their deliverables by 10% in the next quarter. If they don’t, layoffs might be on the table.
Your first instinct might be to protect the team and say: “No, they don’t have the capacity. I don’t want to overwork them.”
That response feels compassionate, but it could backfire because either their salaries would be affected, or worse, some of them might lose their jobs.
Instead, you use empathy to find a smarter path. You ask:
- What can we automate or streamline?
- What work can we de-prioritize to free up capacity?
- And how can I explain the stakes without creating panic or pressure?
Maybe your team won’t love the decision in the moment. But because you’ve considered their workload, communicated transparently, and involved them in the solution, they trust that you’ve got their back.
Empathy doesn’t cloud your judgment. It sharpens it. It helps you make decisions that are clear-eyed, human-centered, and durable.
Can you develop empathy?
You might be wondering: “Isn’t empathy something you’re either born with or not?” Actually, no. Like most traits, empathy is shaped far more by nurture than nature.
If empathy were purely inherited, then every child raised by empathetic parents would automatically become empathetic themselves – but we know that’s not always the case. And while much of your personality forms in childhood, it doesn’t mean you’re locked into it forever.
Empathy is a skill. And like any skill, you can learn it, practice it, and get better over time.
Here’s how:
- Practice active listening: Most of us think we’re listening, but we’re really just waiting for our turn to speak. Active listening means actually hearing what they’re saying, rather than rehearsing your response in your head. It means noticing tone, energy shifts, and emotional cues. Don’t worry if you need to pause to think about what to respond. Conversation is a marathon, not a race.
- Ask open-ended questions: If you’re struggling to notice emotional cues during conversations, ask questions: “How are you feeling about this project?” or “What’s been most challenging for you lately?” These kinds of questions signal care and give people space to share what’s under the surface.
- Put yourself in others’ shoes: It’s harder than it sounds, but when you’re hearing another person out, especially during an argument, try to see things from their perspective. If another team manager complains that your team doesn’t work fast enough, stop before you attack them. You don’t have to agree to empathize. Think about how frustrating it is to pause your own work and wait for others. Seeing it from their side helps you respond more empathetically and focus on solutions instead of blame.
- Get to know people: Many of us experience proximity bias. It’s a cognitive tendency to give more attention or weight to information and events that are physically, emotionally, or culturally closer to us. It’s like when we feel more affected when something happens in a neighboring country compared to when the same thing happens overseas. That’s why taking time to learn about your team’s personalities, values, and life outside of work can make you more naturally empathetic in how you lead.
These are just a few examples of how to nurture your empathy skills. The truth is, it’s not an online course you can take once and forget about. It takes time and practice to become empathetic. The good news is that as manager, you’re already in the perfect position: surrounded by people, immersed in decisions, and uniquely equipped to grow this core leadership trait.
The short version: empathy is a muscle you can build
In tech – and especially in management – empathy is often overlooked or undervalued. The industry can feel cutthroat, like the only way to succeed is by being louder, tougher, or more self-interested than everyone else.
But in my own experience as a manager, I’ve found the opposite to be true. Empathy has made me a more grounded, effective, and trusted leader.
Empathy helps you:
- Resolve conflict: it allows you to stay calm, notice emotional cues, and guide teams toward solutions
- Give and receive feedback: the ability to sense different moods and patterns helps you tailor your communication style
- Build a better culture: when you’re empathetic, you learn about your team beyond just their responsibilities, recognizing individual needs and managing accordingly
- Nurture strong team spirit: you show your team that it’s okay to be human, even when you’re at work
- Make difficult decisions: Being empathetic helps you balance compassion with realism and long-term thinking
The best part? Empathy isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a skill you can build over time.
You’re in a perfect position to embrace your empathy and turn it into one of your greatest strengths as a leader.
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Originally published on Medium.com
