Have you ever had a friend you hung out with in a group, but the moment you were alone, you had nothing to talk about?
You could spend almost every day together as a group but still feel like you don’t know that one friend. It can feel like this when you first start doing one-on-ones with your team.
Creating a connection can be even more complicated in remote teams, where there are no coffee breaks or shared spaces to catch up on what you did over the weekend.
A great way to get to know every person on your team is to have regular one-on-one meetings. Whether you work remotely or in-office, these meetings are valuable for helping your team:
- Develop a relationship with you
- Understand their responsibilities and expectations better
- Grow and take on more opportunities
- Figure out work-related questions
- Trust you
- And feel comfortable sharing personal or professional issues
However, just like when your friend goes to grab something from the kitchen, and you’re left in awkward silence with another friend, one-on-ones can be difficult at first.
Expect early awkwardness – it’s normal
I remember starting as an engineer and having my first one-on-one with my manager. I didn’t know how to handle the conversation or what to expect. I thought:
- Should I be very professional?
- Is it okay to make a joke or two?
- What should I do if I don’t know what to say?
But I had exactly the same thoughts when I started leading them!
Maybe you’ve experienced this, too. It’s natural to feel nervous when you face the unknown.
The good news is that it gets easier and the discomfort fades as you build rapport. In fact, the more you engage with your team, the easier these conversations become. Individual meetings help you build a cohesive team if done right.
The power of person attention
Whether your team consists of four or 30 people, when people come together, they tend to adopt a group mentality. While this can be great for team building, it can hinder individual growth.
If you think about your group of friends, if you want to catch a movie but more of your friends want to have drinks, you’ll probably end up at the bar. A similar thing can happen in a team where not everyone feels comfortable expressing their individual views in group meetings.
Let’s say one of the junior engineers would love to take on more complex tasks and feels ready to do so, but you'll never know because she doesn’t feel comfortable speaking up during group meetings.
Many engineers are introverts and perform better in smaller groups. Even if they’re not introverted, group situations can be intimidating. That’s why regular meetings with each person on your team are so beneficial.
During these meetings, you can:
- Express your expectations and better understand how your team views their responsibilities
- Solve issues before they become serious problems
- Get to know your team members individually, allowing you to adjust your management style
- Receive feedback about your own work
- Build trust with your team
- Foster your company culture
- Keep track of what each employee is doing and help them stay on track with their goals
- And encourage ownership of tasks and responsibilities
By meeting with them one-on-one, you can learn more about their needs and ensure they're satisfied with their work and growth in the company.
They are about more than just work
In my team, I use one-on-ones as an opportunity to do a wellness check and see how they're doing professionally and personally.
When someone’s going through critical life events like:
- Illness
- Divorce
- Marriage
- Moving
- Having kids
- Or are having a tough time
It’s important that they feel supported by their boss and team. One-on-ones are a perfect opportunity to provide that support because it’s a more safe, private space.
However, not everyone feels comfortable talking about personal matters, and you might not want to jump into this right away. Start with professional topics like goals, projects, and any roadblocks. Then look for natural cues that they may want to discuss something more personal, such as feeling stressed or struggling with deadlines.
Let them lead the conversation. Listen to them without prying. You want to find the balance between them feeling comfortable enough to share but not obliged to disclose details. If you notice they seem reluctant to talk about personal issues, steer the conversation back to work.
When you create the right environment and set a tone of empathy and respect, your team will feel comfortable coming to you if and when they need to.
6 steps for productive one-on-ones
Leading one-on-ones can be daunting at first, but they do get easier. In the meantime, here are some strategies to get you started.
1 - Find the frequency that works
You might think that the fewer meetings you have, the better. But it’s not always the case.
You’ll find you might need to meet more often with some people and less with others. For example, an engineer who has been on your team for a while and is working on the same project might not need as much attention as someone just starting a new role.
You can start with weekly meetings to build a strong foundation and then move on to bi-weekly or monthly. These are the trends I’ve noticed:
Weekly: These meetings are best for
- New hires
- New projects
- Serious problems that need a lot of attention
- And team regrouping
Bi-weekly: These are easier to maintain for scheduling. They also give enough time for reflection and action – for both parties.
Monthly: These meetings work best for experienced employees who need less direct oversight. But a lot can happen in a month, so keep an eye on:
- Their workload
- Their deadlines
- And their well-being
There is no set formula for the frequency of one-on-ones, but after a while, you'll be able to gauge each individual's situation and needs.
2 - Choose the best time for the meeting
The timing of the meeting can also influence its success. If you’ve ever had a meeting at the end of the workday on a Friday, you’ll know that an email would’ve probably worked better!
If you want the team to be most engaged, the best time to have one-on-ones is late mornings, between 10 AM and 12 PM, when people are already alert but not too tired. Early afternoons, between 1 PM and 3 PM, also work well because people come back after lunch, but it’s before the afternoon slump.
I also find that having meetings midweek is better, as Mondays can be cluttered with group meetings, and Fridays are generally busy.
If you work remotely or async, make sure you coordinate meetings to suit different time zones. You might be feeling fresh first thing in the morning while they are flagging at the end of the day.
3 - Have an arsenal of small talk topics
As the leader of the meeting, it's your role to speak first. Small talk is an underestimated skill, but one I believe every manager should learn.
I understand that – on the surface – it might seem like a waste of time. But, small talk is so useful in helping you and the other person ease into the conversation, which leads to a great overall outcome of the meeting.
You might also be thinking: “I’m shy or introverted, and I don’t feel comfortable making small talk.” But the funny thing is, if you’re shy or introverted, you need small talk even more to help you relax!
Of course, it’ll feel uncomfortable to begin a conversation at first, especially with a team member you barely know. So, instead of jumping from: "Hello" to "How do you evaluate your performance?" Have some icebreakers prepared.
Here are some helpful topics to start with:
- Current: Think of recent happenings, such as holidays, an office party or event, or a new system that you’re testing. Start by asking how they liked it. In return, share your opinion.
- Specific: Think of something unique about this person, perhaps their location, hobbies, pets, or achievements. For example, if you know the person is a movie buff, you can ask what they think about one of the latest movies.
- Lighthearted: You can also play short icebreaker games, especially if it’s a new team member. For example, you can ask them to describe their day or week in one word or share one good thing that happened to them this week.
- General: Ask what they’re proud of in their work or whether anything is blocking them. And, you can always talk about the weather!
Small talk doesn’t have to be long. If you already know the person, 3-5 minutes is plenty. If it’s someone new on your team, you can get to know more about them for 5-10 minutes.
4 - Prepare your talking points
It's good to prepare some talking points, even if it's just a quick 30-minute call. You can outline the sequence of topics you want to discuss, such as:
- 5 minutes of small talk
- 10 minutes talking about previous meeting objectives
- 15 minutes for feedback
- And so on
It can be helpful to think of one-on-ones as interviews and prepare similarly. You can write down your questions and talking points or keep them open on your computer. This way, you won't have awkward silences, and the meeting will flow more smoothly.
5 - Give your full attention
It's also important to actively listen. No one will feel comfortable or confident sharing if you're always looking at another screen or surreptitiously typing.
So, this means:
- No distractions: put your phone on silent and don’t check your emails with one eye
- Engage in the conversation: ask where they need support, how you can help, and reference previous talking points
- Give and ask for feedback: keep the conversation two-sided!
- Finish the meeting right: ask if there’s anything else they’d like to talk about
6 - Follow up
Consider writing down what you discussed during the meeting for your own process. This way, you can:
- Track progress
- Reflect on your growth
- See what has changed
- Or been resolved
Taking the time to review will help you assess what went well and what needs improvement. If you record your meetings, you can always use ChatGPT to analyze the transcript and ask questions.
It's also worth following up with an email or message to your team member detailing the key points of your conversation. This ensures there is no miscommunication or misunderstanding regarding any specifics, such as deadlines or expectations.
The short version: all great teams need one-on-ones
Group meetings, office parties, and hangouts in the break room are all great ways to get to know your team better. However, one-on-one meetings allow you to understand how each team member feels and get to know them individually.
One-on-ones also allow you to solve issues before they become serious problems and remove any roadblocks they encounter along the way.
It’s normal to feel uncertain about leading one-on-ones, especially at first. But, you can gain confidence by:
- Finding the right frequency
- Choosing the best time to meet
- Thinking of small talk topics and icebreakers
- Preparing in advance
- And giving your full attention
Of course, every team and person is different, and you’ll need to adapt as you go. But the more meetings you have, the more confident you’ll feel.
Use your one-on-ones as an opportunity to build strong relationships and trust. By doing so, you'll be in a better position to manage your team successfully.
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Originally published on Medium.com
