It’s easy to notice when something’s off – your company’s direction, a team dynamic, a friend’s behavior, or your partner’s mood. Much harder? Spotting when the problem is you.
Self-awareness isn’t a passive trait, it’s an active practice. Whether you’re an engineering, project, or team manager, letting that slide is a red flag in itself.
Most of us can easily describe what a grounded, effective manager looks like. And we’ve all seen what happens when things start to slip. When that happens, it might look like:
- Leaving critical decisions up to others
- Deferring problem-solving
- Micromanaging
- Reacting rather than resolving
- Not handling overwhelm well
- And disappointing upper management
When you’re at your best, you:
- Take the lead
- Make decisions – even if they aren’t perfect
- Step in early to clear obstacles
- Do the uncomfortable thing rather than dodging it
- And consistently show up
So, when we talk about spotting red flags in ourselves, a useful question to ask is: Am I the problem, a roadblock, or just a bystander?
It’s not always an easy thing to answer, especially when you’re rushing between meetings, shipping features, meeting deadlines, and making sure your team meets their expectations. But learning to spot your own red flags is one of the most practical, lasting tools you have as a leader.
Here’s where to begin.
The four key red flags
As a manager, red flags usually fall into four main areas of your responsibility:
- Managing yourself
- Leading your team
- Working with stakeholders
- And handling general problems
Red flags are like a speedometer. It can go from zero to the red zone. You might get anxious when feeling overwhelmed, which would be on the single-digit line. Or you might start blaming everyone, shouting, or completely disappearing when things get tough, which enters the red zone.
The goal isn’t to stay at zero all the time – you’re human, after all. The real goal is balance – knowing when something’s off and adjusting before things tip too far.
Each area has its own signals. Here are some of the ones I notice most in myself – and in other managers.
1 - Red flags in the way you manage yourself
You start raising warning signs when you don’t manage yourself – or your emotions – well. The most common trigger is overwhelm.
When you don’t deal with feelings of being overwhelmed well, you end up raising other red flags like:
- Struggling to follow through
- Getting stuck in decision loops
- Or snapping under pressure
The hard part is accepting that overwhelm is part of the job. Leadership comes with pressure – whether it’s deadlines, expectations, or decisions that carry weight.
It’s like that meme where a cartoon dog sits at a table while the room around him is burning, but all he’s doing is sipping his tea. That’s exactly how I – and probably most managers – feel at times!
Right now, if I open my to-do app, I have about 80 pending tasks. Around 30 of them are urgent and important. I could sit in a corner and let my anxious thoughts get the better of me. But I know that even after completing every task on the list, I’ll have a new list in a few hours.
That realization can either fuel more stress – or bring relief. And oddly, I find it comforting. It reminds me that an endless to-do list doesn’t mean I’m failing or falling behind. It just means I’m managing. It’s something we all go through.
2 - Red flags in how you manage your team
A confident manager knows how to:
- Communicate clearly with different people
- Delegate tasks
- And make tough decisions
But if you struggle to manage your team, you might raise one of the most common red flags: micromanagement.
Take this scenario, you hire a new designer. They seemed like a good fit during the interview. But once you start working together, something feels off. You’re not just asking them to make the blue banner a few shades bluer. You’re walking them through every step of their job because they’re:
- Missing deadlines
- Forgetting task details
- Not taking notes
- Not analyzing
- Doing things completely differently
- And relying on others to correct their mistakes
So, you start to micromanage. You peer over their shoulder more than you’d like, or constantly check in. You wonder if you made the wrong call hiring them. You try to fix it. You have an honest conversation. Maybe several. They nod along and seem to understand – but by next week, you're back where you started.
The longer it goes on, the more it eats away at you. You start doing their job in your head – or in reality. And instead of focusing on your own work, you’re tied up in theirs. That’s a red flag.
As managers, most of us want to do the right thing. We:
- Wait
- Train
- Coach
- And continue to hope for the best
But depending on your team’s size and your company’s resources, waiting too long can cost time and money you may not have. I’m always looking for potential in people – but sometimes, it’s just not a good fit. And part of your job is being honest about that.
3 - Red flags in how you deal with stakeholders
If there’s one thing that’s guaranteed in management, it’s pushback.
A little pushback is normal – and useful even. But as a manager, you’re often caught between your team and your stakeholders, each pulling in different directions.
Right now, that tension is particularly visible in the conversations around AI. Many companies are chasing AI products or integrations because that’s where the hype and money are. And they want results fast. But most engineering teams can’t deliver within the timeframes stakeholders are asking for. So, you’re left navigating both sides.
One red flag in dealing with stakeholders is not knowing when to manage up – or down. Over the years, I’ve learned from the stakeholders’ perspective, you can never move fast enough. They’re trying to increase profits or reduce costs, or both. And sometimes their requests are unrealistic.
You shouldn’t be so worried about keeping stakeholders happy that you push your team to the brink of the impossible. But you can’t just ignore them. And you can’t push back forever. These are the people funding you and your team.
If you consistently resist without offering a workable alternative, it may start to look like you’re the roadblock. That might not feel like a red flag from your side – but for them, it is. And if it goes on too long, they may start to question whether you’re the right person for the job.
Your goal is to balance the tension between your team and stakeholders and find small wins that move things forward. But not every manager learns how to do that. One red flag is failing to look for those low-effort, high-impact moves – the ones that help your team deliver something useful, even when the big ask isn’t realistic yet. Sometimes, finding that low-hanging fruit is the best thing you can do.
4 - Red flags in managing problems in general
The fourth area where most managers raise red flags is in how they respond to problems – big and small.
Some problems are:
- Personal issues: illness, anxiety, stress, or family problems
- Work problems: decision-making, conflicts, and burnout
- Global: economic uncertainty, geopolitical unrest, or just the general state of the world
The list never ends. The red flag here is trying to solve everything. You can’t. If you try, you’ll likely end up feeling:
- Overwhelmed
- Hopeless
- Defeated
- And wondering why none of it seems to get better
For example, I live by the ocean and we have strong winds. You can’t change the wind, but you can install protective shields on your balcony to lessen the blow. That’s how I think about managing problems. You can’t solve everything, but you can choose where to place your effort and how to protect yourself from what’s outside your control.
Let’s say your team has a critical deadline coming up. Everyone’s working flat out. You want to help, but instead of removing roadblocks or checking in where it counts, you find yourself spending too much time fine-tuning your calendar or hunting for the perfect meeting slot.
Keeping things organized is useful. But in moments like this, it can be a way to avoid the harder work. And most of the time, “good enough for now” is exactly what’s needed.
Over time, you learn that not every problem needs your full attention:
- Some just need patience
- Others need boundaries
- And a few need to be set aside altogether
The red flag isn’t the presence of problems – it’s when you lose sight of what’s worth solving, and what’s simply part of the weather.
The antidote to red flags in yourself
Most people won’t tell you when something you’re doing isn’t working. Not because they don’t care but because it’s hard. It takes confidence, trust, and the right moment.
Sometimes, people quietly adjust. Sometimes, they hold back. And sometimes, they leave. And you're left trying to piece together what happened.
So it’s important to adopt the habit of self-reflection. Here’s what I do to spot my red flags.
That’s why I try to make self-reflection a regular part of how I work. Not as a box-ticking exercise, but as a way to check in with myself – especially when things feel a little off.
Here are a few habits I’ve built that help me spot them early.
Talk with the smart person
When I was little, whenever my mom had to make a decision or had a problem to solve, she’d say: “I need to talk to the smart person.” That person was herself. I don’t remember her saying much out loud – but I imagine there were a lot of good conversations happening in her head.
Now, I do the same.
Because, most of the time, we already know what’s wrong. We just haven’t voiced it yet. So when something’s bothering me, I go for a drive and talk to myself. Out loud. No one can hear me – so why not?
I talk myself through what’s bothering me and ways I can change it. By the time I turn into my parking spot, I usually have an answer.
Write things down
The feeling of being overwhelmed usually stems from having a lot to do and not knowing where to start.
You want to get in motion, but you don’t know where to place your first step. So you’re caught in this anxious state of “what-if.” It’s like standing at the base of a mountain, worrying about the summit instead of taking the first step.
When I’m not sure what’s going on with me, my first move is to reach for a notebook. Not to plan or to track tasks, but just to write.
Even a few lines is often enough. Because once the thoughts are out of my head, I can start to see patterns. Most of the time, there’s a red flag buried in there – something I’ve been avoiding, rushing, or resisting. Writing helps me spot it.
Practice simple habits – consistently
Not everyone writes things down or talks to themselves in the car. I get that. It might not seem like the most natural thing to do.
But I’ve found that being a steady, thoughtful manager often means doing things that aren’t exactly common. You don’t get there by default. You can’t keep eating junk food every night and be surprised when your weight doesn’t go down. So you switch to grilled chicken and salad, and you lose a few pounds over a few months. It’s a small change, but over time, it works.
So does:
- Self-reflection
- Talking to yourself
- Asking people for feedback
- Being open to constructive criticism
- And learning to keep the scale balanced
It’s not about being perfect. You’ll miss things and get it wrong sometimes. That’s okay. Red flags only become a real problem when they stop being one-offs and start becoming patterns.
The short story: take notice when something feels off
Managers juggle a lot. And someone’s always adding one more thing to the pile. So it’s not surprising that red flags can start to appear – quietly, and often without your noticing at first. But they can affect everything:
- Your own sense of balance
- Your team’s trust
- Your credibility with stakeholders
- Your ability to make decisions
When I notice that something is off with me, I pause and:
- Self-reflect
- Write things down and talk it out
- Ask for feedback
- And stay open when people tell me something’s wrong
Because red flags aren’t about one-off mistakes. They’re early warnings that something might need your attention. They don’t mean you’re failing. But they do mean it’s time to take a closer look.
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Originally published on Medium.com
