Having a dominant personality as a manager is a trait, not a flaw.

However, as an introverted engineering manager (EM), you might disagree!

For instance, imagine you want your team to rewrite the code for an outdated service that has been creating bugs every once in a while. It takes one week, two at most. So, you go to the manager responsible for QA and releases and ask him to merge the updates and roll out a new release.

Unfortunately, this conversation is anything but smooth. He doesn’t want to do what you’re asking because it will take his team a month to test everything, and he has more important priorities for them. 

You don’t have the authority to tell him what to do, so you have to convince him that this update is worth his time, which is very uncomfortable for you. During the conversation, this manager might come across as:

  • Impatient
  • Super results-oriented
  • Intimidating
  • Or lacking attention to detail

Worst of all, no matter how hard you try, it seems like what you’re saying isn’t coming across. This dominant manager is a mystery to you, so you give up.

Maybe if you understood him better, you would’ve felt comfortable advocating for your team and convinced him of what you were asking.

Here’s what to know. 

Understand personality types

Although it’s not the only way to understand personality types, DISC is a personality assessment tool to get you started.

In DISC, there are four main traits that form someone’s personality: 

  • Dominance
  • Influence
  • Steadiness
  • And conscientiousness

We all have a bit of every trait in us, but we also each have one or two stronger traits that determine our type. For example, as an introvert, your dominant trait is likely either conscientiousness (very common amongst engineers) or steadiness.

However, as an EM, you probably also developed a strong dominance (common amongst entrepreneurs and leaders), which will make working with other dominant or influential managers easier, even if it seems impossible at first. 

Dominant and influential managers

You will show (and develop) different personality traits in different environments. 

For example, I'm dominant with my team and more analytical and introverted when talking to the stakeholders or end users. You might be more introverted with other managers and more assertive and dominant with your team.

Either way, your introverted traits are there, and because dominant and influential managers are the most challenging for us, I will focus more on those.

Dominant (D) managers 

Dominant managers are strong-willed and competitive. This personality type is commonly seen in CEOs, entrepreneurs, or managers. You probably developed some dominant traits when you became an EM, so you understand them better than you imagine. 

They are determined, ambitious, and outspoken, love having authority, winning and overcoming obstacles, and hate strict rules or protocols, as they value their personal freedom and action more than anything. 

In meetings, a typical dominant person might come across as:

  • Impatient
  • Not very empathetic
  • Always having to be right or win
  • Stubborn

Dealing with dominant managers

To deal with other dominant managers, remember to use your own dominant traits. Like them, you probably care about results, numbers, and success, otherwise you wouldn’t be leading a team. So, when talking to them:

  • Be straight to the point: Like building a PowerPoint presentation, the key is to prepare ahead, start with the main points, and unravel the details as needed. 
  • Show them numbers instead of opinions: If you need extra people in your team, for example, talk in numbers and productivity, as they won’t likely care about how tired your engineers are.
  • Don’t tell them they’re wrong: They’re competitive and tend to create win/lose situations in arguments, so don’t add more fuel to that fire by telling them they’re wrong. Instead, talk more in the first person and ask for their opinion. For example, it’s better to say, “I thought about this new process. What do you think?” instead of telling them their current process isn’t good enough.
  • Be prepared to sell: They won’t easily buy different opinions and ideas unless you convince them that what you want is in their best interest as well, using data and facts. With dominants, you have to push and insist, not just tell them something.

Influential (I) managers

Contrary to dominant managers, these managers don’t like data. They’re creative and ideological at heart. Usually, people with this personality are artists, salespeople, and creative directors. Basically, everything that involves talking and bringing new ideas to the table. 

They are very good at connecting with others, love new and fast-paced environments, and are moved by the need to take action, collaborate, and be socially recognized. 

Basically, they are chaotic in our eyes. In meetings, they will:

They are most engineers’ opposites and the most challenging managers to deal with as introverts. 

Dealing with influential managers

When you learn how to deal with this personality type, you’ll become unstoppable. They are the ones who can help you the most because they have all the skills we lack, and vice versa. 

Partnering with influential managers and knowing how to communicate with them is the smartest thing you can do as an introvert, especially in meetings. So:

  • Let them talk: Interrupting them will be uncomfortable and a Herculean task. Instead, show them you’re listening. They love being the life of the party, so give them the attention they want. 
  • Be open: After the meeting is over, talk to them, either async or in one-on-ones, and tell them how you struggle with communicating your ideas in meetings. They are very empathetic and love to connect with others, so by being open, you earn their trust.
  • Ask for help: One thing this personality type likes is feeling important and recognized. By telling them you admire how they talk and shine so effortlessly, you open the door for collaboration. Ask them to give you room to speak more by asking your opinion every time they finish talking, for example. 
  • Enjoy the spotlight they’ll give you: They’re good at winning audiences, so when they give you the floor, enjoy it. You won’t have to fight for attention anymore or interrupt anyone, and presenting your ideas will be easier. 

Your unique advantages

As you probably noticed, you already have many introverted qualities that help you when dealing with different personalities. 

Your ability to create systems and procedures helps influential managers be more productive (even though they say they don’t need order, they do), and your passion for data, logic, and concrete information will make dominant managers listen to your ideas. 

Your empathy allows you to connect with influential managers, and even though they might seem so different from you, they’re also very empathetic. You will both make efforts to accommodate one another and create a peaceful environment, as collaboration is also one of their strong suits. 

As a good, calm, and patient listener, you will balance meetings out and be the peacemaker in conflicts. Because you value security and predictability, people will always know what to expect from you.

Also, your ability to view a project from both the overall big picture and the smaller steps to get there will make managers respect you, especially with the assertiveness you had to develop as an EM. 

Because you think things through and prepare before speaking up, your interactions will always be valuable to the group. 

Obviously, you will have things to improve, like everyone else. But don’t think you aren’t up to the task of dealing with different personalities because you might be the one who is most well prepared to do that. Trust yourself!

A different perspective on dominant personalities

Only about 9% of the world’s population has a majorly dominant personality. 

I have a theory on why this happens: most people aren’t decisive and prefer to complain about things rather than actually solve them. 

Dominant personalities are dominant for a reason – they care and get things done. And this usually ruffles a few feathers because the best solution to problems almost never makes everyone happy. 

Which usually means dealing with consequences. Having a strong opinion and being decisive means facing results, either good or bad, and being held accountable for them. 

You were promoted to EM because, even though you’re introverted, you learned (or already had) some dominant traits. You made a decision to become the leader, even if unconsciously, because you didn’t want to keep complaining and taking no action. 

This is also very rare. Most people prefer to complain and drag their feet around in silent protest instead of changing things. It’s certainly easier than convincing people your idea is better.

When you do that and kill the dragon, meaning “overcoming” the most dominant person in the room, you automatically become the dragon. If the dominant person listens to you, you are now the new dominant. 

And that’s great. It means you learned to defend your ideas, to negotiate, you left your comfort zone behind, and did things an introvert alone could never do. You became an introvert with a dominant personality. 

And no matter what others might say, being dominant isn’t a flaw. It’s a trait, especially in managers. Without dominant personalities, the world wouldn’t move forward. 

So don’t be afraid to kill the dragon. It will give you the skills to deal with different personalities and push your career forward. 

The short version: when you kill the dragon, you become the dragon

Even though excellent leaders come in all personalities (Dominant, Influential, Steady, and Conscientious), they usually have their main side developed, even if just a little. 

You do, too. However, as an introverted EM, dealing with mostly dominant or influential managers can be a challenge. 

Understanding them better helps. Dominants have some traits such as:

  • Being impatient: be more straight to the point when talking to them 
  • Being not very empathetic: they care more about results, so talk in numbers and metrics
  • Always having to be right or win: don’t directly tell them they’re wrong, talk more in the first person, and ask for their opinion instead 
  • And being stubborn: when you disagree, use data and specific information to convince them 

Influential managers, on the other hand:

  • Talk too much: interrupting is pointless – listen attentively, and once the meeting is over, call them out on that
  • Are very people-oriented and empathetic: earn their trust by sharing more about you and your struggles – they will try to accommodate your needs if you tell them about it
  • Value collaboration: ask them to help you communicate in meetings by giving you the turn to speak and asking for your opinion 
  • Lose track of details: in return, help them by creating systems that organize their chaos

You, of course, have your flaws as well. No personality is perfect, which makes them great for complementing one another. So, start using yours to collaborate with the dominant and influential ones on your team.

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Originally published on Medium.com

Content in this blog post by Alex Ponomarev is licensed under CC BY 4.0.